If You Flirt With Yuri Plisetsky
by TheBestEver222
Summary: ...you'll probably end up with a fist in your face. And don't even get me started on what he'll do if you insinuate Viktor and Yuuri are his parents. Rated T for Yuri's language, because he's a teen with anger issues.


**_So, this was SUPPOSED to be a oneshot about some guy hitting on Yuri, and then either the Viktuuri duo or Otabek coming up and being like "hey, you can't hit on my son" or "hey, you can't hit on my boyfriend" or some shit like that, but this is what happened instead, because fuck if I have any control over what my fingers type out._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing but the stranger, poor dear._**

Viktor and that stupid Katsudon were late. They were the ones that had scheduled the stupid meeting, so why the hell were they late?

Grumbling, Yuri crossed his arms on the table and placed his chin on them, peering out the window of the coffee shop. If those two idiots didn't get there soon, he was just going to leave. If he was fast enough, he might be able to make it to the nearest ice rink before it closed and get in some solo skating practice.

He watched as the Sun slowly crept toward the horizon. Maybe not.

He wondered what Beka was doing. He wished he was meeting him instead of the two disgusting lovebirds.

"Mind if I sit here?" a voice interrupted his thinking.

Setting his eyes upon the unwelcome brunet stranger, Yuri scowled. "Yeah, I do mind."

The boy chuckled, taking a seat anyway, much to Yuri's annoyance. "You seem a little lonely."

"Well I'm not," Yuri replied angrily.

"Woah," the boy held his hands up, palms out in a placating manner. "No need to get all mad."

"Yes, there is need." Yuri glared at him. "I'm waiting for someone. Leave."

"Oh? Who? You're girlfriend?" The teen wiggled his eyebrows.

Yuri scrunched up his face. "What? No."

"My bad. Boyfriend, then?"

"No! I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend!" Yuri pictured Otabek then, sporting one of his rare smiles. "Now go away."

"Then who are you waiting for?" he asked, completely ignoring Yuri's obvious demand.

"None of your damn business!" he snarled, his Russian accent becoming more prominent. He wanted to punch the boy in his face.

"You look familiar," the stranger said, unfazed by Yuri's apparent wrath. "Where have I seen you before?"

"I dunno," Yuri ground out, practically growling. "Why don't you go figure it out _away from me_."

"Nah. You're kinda cute."

Yuri cheeks burned and the other boy smiled, probably of the notion that it was because he was embarrassed or flattered or whatever. But Yuri Plisetsky didn't get embarrassed or flattered or whatever. He got _angry_.

The only person that he'd ever allow to live after calling him cute was Otabek – not that Beka called him cute, or anything like that – and this boy was not Otabek.

"If you want to live," Yuri said, teeth clenched, voice strangled, "run."

The stranger blinked, looking confused. In his moment of weakness, Yuri struck.

He leaned forward and yanked the collar of the boy's shirt so hard it tore. Just a little, though.

Seething, Yuri brought a fist up to carry out his wish to punch him in the face when a bell jingled, signaling the entrance of a customer.

"Yurio!" came the familiarly annoying call.

Viktor Nikiforov and his favorite pet Katsudon were beside Yuri in an instant, and Yuri, caught off guard, loosened his grip. The other teen took this as his opening to escape his clutches.

Huffing, Yuri said, " _What_?"

"What were you doing to that poor boy?" Viktor asked, glancing over at the wide-eyed stranger.

"I was gonna punch him! I didn't like what he was saying," Yuri muttered the last part bitterly.

"You can't just beat people up because you don't like what they're saying," Viktor scolded in a tone like he was talking to a misbehaving toddler, and Yuuri nodded along, frowning disapprovingly. Yuri scowled at him.

"So, uh," the boy piped up, voice shaking and scared but with a joking edge to it, "you were waiting for your parents, then?"

Yuuri froze, looking surprised. Viktor smiled like he'd won the lottery. Yuri turned slowly to the boy, and in a tone suggesting murder, he said, "What the hell did you just say?"

The boy straightened and, on shaky legs, heeded Yuri's earlier advice and _ran_.

"Aww, Yurio." Viktor pouted. "You scared him."

"Serves him right," Yuri spat. "You two are _not_ my parents."

"Of course, Yurio," Viktor said, patting him on the head like a dog, which Yuri suspected was meant to piss him off. It worked.

"Get your hand off me, old man!" he shouted, furiously swatting at Viktor's arm.

"You know," Yuuri spoke up for the first time, "in English, 'old man' is also something kids call their dads."

The stupid Katsudon said it so innocently, like he didn't know it would infuriate the Russian teen further.

"Shut up, you ol- Uh! You _pozhiloy chelovek_!"

"I think you mean ' _otets_ ,'" Viktor corrected matter-of-factly, face completely serious.

"No!" Yuri growled. "I don't!"

Yuuri glanced between the two of them smiling.

"What are you smiling about, Katsudon?" Yuri asked, irate.

Yuuri shrugged, grin still stretched across his stupid Katsudon face. "Nothing."

Yuri was about to say something else, but instead clenched his jaw and counted to ten in his head in an attempt to quell his rage, like Otabek had told him. Then, he said, "Whatever. What did you want to meet about anyway?"

Viktor blinked slowly, then put a finger to his chin. After a moment, he said, "I don't remember actually. Do you, Yuuri?"

The Katsudon looked at the Russian man in surprise, like he didn't expect to be asked, before saying, "Er, no. You didn't tell me."

Viktor shrugged, uncaring. "Oh well."

Yuri said nothing for almost a minute. Viktor had that dumb smile on his face that was almost a smirk but was too childlike to really be. Yuuri stared at him as if he were a bomb about to go off. Boy, was he wrong. Yuri Plisetsky was _far_ worse than a bomb.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!"

 ** _pozhiloy chelovek (пожилой человек) – old man_**

 ** _otets (отец) – father_**

 ** _And there you go! I hope everyone enjoyed this short little oneshot, because I honestly love writing the Viktuurio family, and I loved writing this. Favorite and review if you want, my dears, and tell me if you'd like more of these types of stories where Viktor, Yuuri, and Yurio are kind of like a family, because I would love to write more. If you have any ideas that you'd like to see with this whole family thing, please tell me, and I'll write them for you! Anyway, thanks for reading! See ya!_**


End file.
